Saturday, February 5, 2011

DeMystifying "Honey, I'm Going Camping With the Guys"

Here's what really happens when a guy says to his female Significant Other: "Honey, I think I'll go camping with the guys this week-end."

He thinks he's impressing the female with his talk of manly, hunter-type behavior.

She, on the other hand, is thinking: "Yaay! a week-end to myself !". She asks him: "What time are you leaving?" sounding concerned and worried over his high adventure, but secretly planning how much time she'll have for a luxurious bubble bath, maybe a facial masque, just lie in the tub with a glass of wine, candles, and a good book.

But even with that, there's the mystique of the alpha males out there in the wilderness, roughing it, encountering wild animals, chopping wood, bushwhacking over hill & dale to get to a good site, being all primitive and such.

Here's the real story:

The guys load up the truck with supplies (keep reading to find out what those are)

Just like me, they pay the park fee and drive right into their campsite. No bushwhacking necessary!

Next comes unpacking and setting up the tents - yes, plural. I have yet to see a group of guys car camping who don't come with more than one tent. And these typically aren't the 1, 2, or 3-person backpacking tents. These are the big monstrosities you can find at Cabela's -- room to stand in; maybe even "room" dividers; vestibules or porches; etc. Maybe the guys have also brought one of those screened in porch-type shelters. Roughing it? - uhhh, no.

Next, start the campfire. Guys don't want a campfire that will just boil water, or one that lasts just long enough to cook dinner. They want a big, manly, see-for-miles campfire. One that left unattended could burn down the entire campground.

Next, set up the camp chairs. The ones with the pocket where you can put a beer can.

Dinner time!
1) Pull out the pizza or steak subs they've bought along the way to the park.
2) Pop open the beer tab.
3) Partake!

For the remainder of the "camping" experience: Sit around the fire all night, drinking, talking, playing cards -- whatever guys do in the dark.

Fall asleep around 2:00ish.

Wake about 8:00am. Tear down camp. Go home.

The "go home" trip, I am certain, involves a bar, beer, and a burger. And probably a football game.

Camping is just an outdoor man-cave; a place to get away from the family and bond with each other. There isn't a primitive aspect to it at all.

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